 Poster: A snowHead
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Mrs Snowplough and I decided to treat ourselves to a private lesson in Val D'Isere in the late 90s. It was our first foray away from group lessons, and when asked what we were looking for, we rashly said "Something quite lively and aggressive". Big mistake, although we didn't realise at the time...
At the time, the Frenchies were undergoing one of their periodic flouting of EU free trade laws, and had imposed the rule about foreign ski instructors needing to pass the racing test in order to be able to teach in France. We thought nothing of this as we met Denis from Yugoslavia at the SnoFun meeting point, and engaged in some good banter on the way up the Funival thing.
We emerged at the top in thick snow. I immediately "impressed" Denis by putting my skis on the wrong feet. I wasn't even aware that there was a right or wrong way, and explained this, further "impressing" Denis. Humiliation was heaped on embarrassment, as he got us to ski a short run towards him, so he could assess our technique. I'd endured the "degrading grading" all too often in group lessons, and thought that for the princely sum we were paying, we were at least guaranteed to be let down gently.
How wrong can you be? Denis smiled delightedly at Mrs S, complimenting her on her excellent technique. Then he looked at me disparagingly and asked "How long have you been skiing?" I declined to answer, glad that my balaclava was hiding my red face. Off we went for a couple of warm-up runs, gradually getting faster and faster. At the end of these, Denis grudgingly said that I was somehow going fast enough to be able to keep up, and that the lesson would be good fun.
More banter was exchanged on the next trip in the Funival. Denis may have insulted my skiing, but he was a great bloke. It turned out that he was, indeed, a frustrated downhill racer, afflicted with numerous disfunctional ligaments and tendons. It dawned on me that I'd made a big mistake. It was too late to do anything. Honour was at stake, and besides, we'd paid in advance and you don't get your money back for being a scaredy cat. 
We emerged again into even thicker snow, and this time I got my skis on the right feet. Then the fun began. Denis said "Follow me!" pointed his skis down the hill and disappeared into the white-out. Mrs S laughed and followed, in the annoyingly effortless style that is her trade mark. I took a deep breath, checked my life assurance and pushed off.
By the time I caught up, Denis was demonstrating how to do fast turns in deep snow, whilst skiing backwards, as it happens. Mrs S was having a great time, but my legs were already burning and we had 2 hours left to go. It had all the hallmarks of a long afternoon. So it proved...
I went faster on skis than I have been before or since, down some narrow blacks that normally I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. If I'd been able to focus my mind on what I was doing, I'd have been terrified. As it was, I was just suffering from severe leg pain. I lost count of the number of falls I had. Despite it being -10C, I was lathered in sweat. I was going to keep up, or die. Even Mrs S's technique was found out on occasion, and she had at least one spectacular wipe-out, much to my amusement (and her's surprisingly.)
The lesson finally concluded. Denis shook my hand. "Well done. I didn't think you'd keep up" he said. It was my proudest moment on skis. We skied slowly down, and as I was too kn*ckered to tense up, some decent technique crept into my skiing. Denis looked on in bewilderment. "Actually, you're not all that bad" he said. It was my proudest moment ever.
The moral of the story is: Before you ask for a lively and aggressive lesson, make sure your instructor is not an ex downhill racer.
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Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
Obviously A snowHead isn't a real person
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The Flying Snowplough, sounds like he was trying to lose you and ski off into the sunset with Mrs TFSP 
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Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
Well, the person's real but it's just a made up name, see?
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The Flying Snowplough, you write a good yarn - though I don't understand the 'skis on the wrong feet' bit. I was skiing in the 90s - don't remember my skis being handed. Foreign and French National instructors still have to pass the race test to be fully qualified,as I understand it.
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You need to Login to know who's really who.
You need to Login to know who's really who.
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The thought had crossed my mind. I think I was saved by the fact that he was wearing so many layers that he looked like the Michelin Man, and Mrs S was therefore unable to fully appreciate his athletic form. 
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Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
Anyway, snowHeads is much more fun if you do.
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Achilles - Perhaps the skis thing was part of a strategy to demean me in the eyes of Mrs S, making it easier to usurp me. Cunning b*gger.
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You'll need to Register first of course.
You'll need to Register first of course.
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Give The Flying Snowplough, .... a medal .... defiance in the face of the enemy ... 
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Er... how do you know which foot to put a ski on?
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| paulio wrote: |
| Er... how do you know which foot to put a ski on? |
If the first ski; either foot. If there's already a ski on the foot; use the other one. If both feet already in use; you have picked up too many skis.
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You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
You'll get to see more forums and be part of the best ski club on the net.
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| paulio wrote: |
| Er... how do you know which foot to put a ski on? |
left ski on the left foot and right ski on the right foot of course
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For info, they were some Salomon skis, and the rubber tips on the end pointed off centre. The official way to put them on is with the both points inwards. I was just as bad with them on either way round. 
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snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
snowHeads are a friendly bunch.
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And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
And love to help out and answer questions and of course, read each other's snow reports.
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| DJ wrote: |
| paulio wrote: |
| Er... how do you know which foot to put a ski on? |
If the first ski; either foot. If there's already a ski on the foot; use the other one. If both feet already in use; you have picked up too many skis. |
Now that I like.......what a wonderful tag line
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FAQ
